While talking to adopted children, there are certain things that you should be careful about. Not only because they have come from outside to the family, but also that they need to be given enough of love, care and compassion from the surroundings so that they can start feeling everyone around as their own.
Words once spoken cannot be taken back; therefore here is a helpful guideline on what you should avoid speaking to an adopted child. After all, they are just children and will not have the maturity to overlook any wrong comment. Read on to know how to handle unexpected situations –
Do not Mention about their Different Looks
It is quite obvious that the adopted kids won’t look like the parents. May be they will also have a sibling who looks exactly like his parents but the other adopted child does not. Never talk on this issue and mention how different they look physically. This really hurts them as the comment can give a feeling that “you are an outsider, so how can you look like us?”
Never Hide the Fact that they are Adopted
Being honest is the best policy ever. When the adopted child grows up and gets to know this fact from relatives or strangers, it will be a heart rendering moment for him/ her. Instead tell them immediately that they are adopted once they reach the age of understanding the concept. Also take time and make the child understand that this fact is not going to change their love, attachment and significance in your lives ever. Do not lie or keep this as a secret – this will just increase the complications!
Don’t Tell the Truth During the “Teens”
Teenage is a very crucial time when feelings and sentiments take a toll in unpredictable ways. There is just no good reason why you should keep such a vital fact away from the child and give a blow during the most vulnerable years. If you bring home a toddler, just start explaining him the fact when he can understand what you are saying. If you are adopting a teenager, make sure he has the consent of coming home with you only after knowing the truth.
Never Tell that they “Would not Understand”
Often adoptive families spurt out mean words without even thinking. Do not ever say “you will not understand as you are different from us”; at one go you make the child an outsider and just a guest at home. Even if you are amidst utter mess, chaos and tension – keep calm while talking to an adopted child. They will surely understand you if the attachment of love and care is strong enough!
Do not Hide Adoption Records from them
Often orphanage authorities hand over the parents’ record to the new set of parents of the adopted child. Once you tell the child about the fact, make sure you present the evidence in front of them. If you have pictures of the real parents show them and also tell the names. Even if you know the reason why they left the child behind, tell that in a sensitive way so that the child does not hold any grudge for his / her real parents. Remember, you are just informing the reality but the way of presentation has to be very casual, affirmative and compassionate.
Restrain from Saying Special Words
If the adopted child is your only baby then there would not be any chance of partiality as supposedly you brought the kid home to shower with all you have – love and even materialistic goods. But if there is a sibling at home, make sure you do not make any partiality. Speak naturally to both the kids and assign all kinds of jobs to both of them. Do not keep special norms and rules for the adopted one.
Do not Advocate “Adoption” in a Negative Way
While managing certain situations you might be tempted to put on the idea like this say – adoption is not a good idea but we brought you home because we found you adorable. This would NOT make them feel good. It would definitely create a rift in between and the child will always feel privileged staying at your home.
Handling adopted kids are not that difficult if your heart and mind is ready to accept the child as own genuinely from the core. However, certain slip of tongues have crude reactions on the child, therefore be well versed about the above points before you bring home the kid.