Adoptive families have different circumstances and relationship equation; however, this does not mean that they are not normal in a familial sense. What distinguishes an adoptive family is the absence of blood relationship—that is all.
Despite adoption being really common, the prevalent thoughts and stereotypes against adoptive family and its members are not essentially favourable, and, that is why it becomes all more incumbent on the parents to ensure certain things.
If you are well-acquainted with these considerations, implement them in your family mechanism and ensure their continuity. In this article, we will deal with one class of these considerations—the don’ts.
Now, without further ado, here are those five things adoptive parents should not do:
Do not hide the backstory
Adoptive families usually tend to hide the backstory of the adoption from kids and society for many reasons—shame, self-denial, and protectiveness. But, this is not a correct way of handling the affairs of your family. Openness is the key.
You must establish a candid relationship with your adopted kids by disclosing every ounce of information you have on their background. Do not keep them in the dark, because if your kids happen to find out the truth anyhow, they might develop great mistrust towards you.
You never pitied them
The general outlook towards the whole institution of adoption is that it is done out of pity. Well, no, adoption serves a cause more honourable and praiseworthy.
When your kid is outdoors, he/she will meet those kinds of people telling them how much thankful they should be. A likely consequence is that your kids might end up feeling miserable and without any self-confidence.
You should talk to your kids and tell them that you did not adopt them because you pitied them but because you wanted them in your life.
Act as if they never had parents before you
Once your kids are informed of their background, they might wonder how their parents were and whether they were good to them. Well, now, it does not matter, because now they have you, but that fact is not enough.
Treat them with kindness and love; behave like any parents would and never exhibit an alien behaviour towards them. Inject this into their minds that they belong to you, and that they have a family.
Treat the unkind unkindly
As you know, there are jerks all over the places, and they will do their best to discourage you and your kids because of the insignificant lack of blood relationship. Treat these people the way they treat you—unkindly.
Be very blunt and honest about adoption and do not show a single sign of shame and embarrassment. The stronger your determination is, the weaker their guts becomes.
Be patient with your kids
Your adopted kids have come into an unknown environment and it will take them quite a while to adjust and accept you as their parents. Do not be flustered by this, and always show patience throughout. Treat them with kindness even if they are trying to stay aloof from you.