Archive for the 'Teens' Category

“No matter what I say, she always argues with me. Nothing I say or do seem to be right for her, there is always something to point out and criticize.

I know it is good for her to have her own opinion, but I don’t really know if this type of back talk is healthy, or am I doing something wrong? Please help!”

Do these words sound familiar to you, the parent of a teen? I know this is a scene right out of my own home, where my son and I have countless arguments, which almost always end up with one or the other of us walking away in a great huff.

If you want to know how to teach your teen not to back talk at you, then read on:

• Never forget; it takes two people to argue; your teen cannot argue by herself and with herself. The argument involves both of you equally, and what you can do is state your case ONCE, and then either stand there and hear her out when she argues and finds ways to pint out that what you are saying is wrong, or simply walk out of the room quietly. This will give her the idea that your word is final, and that you will not change it for anything. All her arguing will not affect you. Practice doing this many times, she will eventually get the hang of it.

There comes a time in every parent and teen relationship where the line between sending them to their room and wanting to know what is going on in there are bound to cross.

You may want their bad attitude and sassy lip to be out of your presence for a while. However, most parents will usually agree that teens and closed doors are not always a good thing.

Finding the balance between being a good parent and giving your teen [Parenting Teen] a measure of privacy can be difficult. Teens need privacy to learn responsible behavior when left to their own devices.

Too much of this alone time for many teens results in more problems than the average parent can handle. How to find the right mix of parenting and privacy is tricky.

As a parent, it is important to realize that privacy is a privilege and not a right for teens. Privacy is like driving a car. The teen must learn the rules and consistently obey them or privacy goes away for a while.

Most teens seem to figure this out without a lot of prodding from parents. For those parents whose children abuse their private time, the nightmare of fights and social issues can seem endless.

If you are the parent of a teen, then you must be in the same situation as I am, constantly worrying whether what you are doing is right for your teenager, or whether you have done something wrong, and if that is the reason why she is behaving the way she does with you.

When things became too much for me to handle, I talked to a professional, and here are some of the things she said to me, and believe me, when I followed these tips, I was not only able to get along better with my teen [Parenting Teen], but I was also able to motivate her into doing better and in fact excelling at whatever she took up, especially when it was related to academics.

If you have noticed, this is a common complaint for all parents of teens: teens generally lack the initiative and the motivation to excel at studies, and it is your duty as a parent to find out the best ways to goad them and motivate them into giving better, if not their best performances; after all, their entire future depends on how well they perform in academics at this stage.

You feel like it was just yesterday when your teenager begged you to take him out for ice cream, and asked for your help in one of the small precious moments of life.

How and when did all this change, you wonder, where did that little angel go, leaving this rebellious strong headed obstinate teenager in his place?

Not only is your child now speaking an entirely new language, he no longer wants you around or even need you to be around him.

You feel like you have been shunted out of his life unceremoniously; you are no longer his ‘hero’, you are more of a thorn in his side and for no fault of yours.

Do not despair, all is not lost! This is a typical teenage behavior, and is a plea for independence, and it is up to you to find ways and means for the bond between your child and you to remain as strong as it ever was.

What do you do? Try this, for example. Start a conversation with something neutral: “How do you like that new movie?” There is no scope for controversy and argument with such an opening, and the trick is to remain positive, even when you feel frustrated and about to lose your temper with your teen.

We all know that communication is the most essential part of any relationship, with anyone: spouse, parent, sibling friend, child, especially if the child is a teenager.

A teenager, as we all know, is growing into his independence, and resents any interference into his activities.

How do you cope with this situation? How do you make sure he is safe, and make sure that the channel of communication remains open between you even though you know he does not confide in you as much as he used to?

Your teenager is normal! First and foremost, remember that a teenager will confide less in a parent than he used to when he was younger: this is completely normal.

Listen to him! Next, listen to your child when he talks to you, and make sure that he is not simply talking to a newspaper or to your back.

Stay positive! Are you making positive remarks along with the negative when you talk to him, or is everything you say negative? Try not to dwell on his mistakes, faults and deficiencies, and instead, concentrate on looking at his positive factors like what a bright and cheerful child he is, and how much he is achieving.

Moving from parenting a child to parenting a teenager can sometimes be a pretty scary adaptation, it often seems like the child has grown up suddenly overnight into a completely peculiar and hard-to-get-along-with entity.

Any parent will tell you that parenting teen girls today is an increasingly tough challenge and requires much patience, courage, determination, willingness and responsiveness.

While it is hardly surprising, teenage hood is a period of more developmental changes than any other stage. Together with physical, sexual, mental, behavioral and emotional developmental changes, comes confusion and uncertainty.

Teenage years for girls are an especially dangerous period. Risky behavior, drug/alcohol abuse, depression, pregnancy or suicide is more acceptable, and can result in devastating lifetime consequences.

So, strong guidance from parents is more essential than ever to help teen girls go through the hurdles and stressful experiences of life.

However, parents of teenage girls often face difficulty in recognizing their child’s new behaviors and changed attitudes. And the underlying reason is even worse than dangerous behavior: lack of communication, which is common among many parents who do not talk openly to their children about the risks they face.

Here are 12 principles for parenting teens.

1. Parents need to recognize that loss of control occurs, like it or not, as children grow.

If you are a controlling person you will be very frustrated during teen years. Allow for some loss of control.

2. Control what you can. Parents have control of many things.

You control your responses, money, the car and other home items. Exert control by limiting your teen’s access to these.

3. Respect them even when they don’t respect you. Teens are very sensitive and need your respect to hold them through this trying time. Don’t be hurtful — even if they are to you.

4. Don’t be afraid to set limits. Teens need limits. They keep teens safe and teach restraint. Through these confusing years, teens need the structure that limits provide. Remember, you are not “the only” or “the worst” parent just because you set limits.

5. Praise has never been more important. All kids need praise but adolescents really need praise. It may be hard to find things to praise at times.

To parent teens well, you must start with a good base.

Remember, teens rebel. They question. They explore. But by late teen years they often return to the moral base their family gave them.

That moral base is what we give kids in their first 12 years and continue into their teen years. How do we give them that base?

As kids grow, we battle them over many issues.

Let’s take a simple example; can they have a sleepover? Are the other parents aware? Will they be home? Who else will be there? Will there be enough chaperones?

That seems like a simple scenario. But as a parent, you know there are many scenarios like that one where we have to face our children and make decisions for them.

In all these battles and decisions, there are lessons. How much freedom do we allow? How much trust has our child earned? How much respect do we have for them? These questions are answered in our decisions. And kids learn to earn respect and trust over time.

Through these everyday decisions, our kids learn about right and wrong, and about what is safe and unsafe. This gives children a basic morality that serves as their base for entering the stormy teen years.

Adolescent [Adolescent behavior] girls who go through puberty early and have parents who do not nurture them, communicate with them or have knowledge of their activities appear more likely to display aggressive behavior, according to a report.

Early puberty in girls is related to conduct problems, delinquency and substance use.

Many of these problems persist through adolescence and into early adulthood.

“As adults, early-maturing girls demonstrate lower academic and occupational achievement and report lower relationship quality and life satisfaction.

It is thus important to identify protective factors that may mitigate negative effects of early maturation on girls’ adjustment.

Sylvie Mrug, Ph.D., of the University of Alabama at Birmingham, and colleagues interviewed 330 fifth-grade girls (average age 11) and their parents from three metropolitan areas.

The girls reported how often they engaged in aggressive behavior, such as hitting, teasing and spreading rumors to hurt others; whether they displayed delinquency (fighting at school, getting injured in a fight or inflicting injuries); how often their mother was affectionate and how often they did things together; whether their parents had talked to them about violence, tobacco and sex; and whether and when they had started their periods.

What kids think about sex might surprise you, but what they’re doing sexually—and when they’re doing it—might surprise you even more.

In a study this year of more than a 1,000 tweens (kids between the ages 11 and 14), nearly half said they’d had a boy- or girlfriend, and one in four said that oral sex or going “all the way” is part of a tween romance.

The parents’ view? Only 7 percent of parents surveyed in this study think their own child has gone any further than “making out.”

The whole subject of sex is so delicate that some parents put off talking to kids about it, believing their child is still too young, or because they’re not sure what to say.

They “finally sit down to have the Big Talk,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, chief of general pediatrics at Children’s Hospital Boston, “and it turns out their teen is already having sex.” (The average age of first intercourse in the United States is 16, according to the Centers for Disease Control)

The good news is that there’s plenty of evidence indicating that kids whose parents do discuss sex [child sex education] with them are more cautious than their peers—more likely to put off sex or use contraception.