Lying Children – The Reason, The Reaction, The Remedy

I remember that growing up I was severely punished for every little lie I was caught telling for the reason that my parents did not tolerate stepping from the path of truth and tried to prove their point by doing exactly what they thought best.

We all as children were at this point sometime in our lives and as I recall it, the punishment, the interdiction and the lectures did not cured me from the bad habit but rather made me develop it and make it more elaborate so it will seem beyond any possible doubt.

The point of the above said is that many parents discover that their beloved little ones start lying[lying behavior] out of the thin air and the first thing parents see fit to do is to punish them and by that to show them that they did something wrong.

Whether the punishment is harsh words, interdiction or silent treatment the only effect it will have will be to make the child see that he or she did not receive approval.

In their little minds the lie is a mean to an end. If that end turns out to be keeping their noses clean of something bad they did without will, concealing the shame of getting a bad mark or the problems they might experience at school; the lie is just a way of self preservation they see working for others.

Why do children lie?

Now that is something all parents would like to know and of course fix as soon as possible. The problem is that the reason is very hard to discover and it is even harder to obtain it from the child.

The range in between this reason is set varies from case to case but I must admit I saw children lying because of fear, of the need of finding an excuse, because the circumstances offered them the occasion to do it and most of all because they were craving attention.

As parents we need to get things under control and develop a communication system with our children. The lie surfaces in their behavior[child behavior] when it is already too late.

If a child has a problem at school, in his circle of friends or simply cannot face or adapt to a situation the lie becomes a defensive measure able to protect themselves from things they perceive as dangerous to one extent or the other.

Keep in mind that kids especially when very young tend to see “monsters” everywhere and sometimes even if not necessary the defense mechanism is triggered in spite of everything.

Parents tend to react very nasty to the lie. They usually feel betrayed and tend to punish the children on the excessive urge of preventing the thing from repeating itself.

Creating the fear of punishment will not remove the cause and that is why 90% of the lies are based on exactly the same reasons no matter how much did we try to prevent them from happening.

The simplest way to heal this bad habit is to talk to our children, encourage them to face the truth, proving that the problem is not that bad if it is simply described and that the lie is simply worst than the problem itself.

If we stop for a second and analyze ourselves we will for sure remember that we cannot serve as an example to our children. So before we judge and punish them we should really hear them out.


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