No matter how fast they grow our children remain children all their lives.
The common saying that” having a teenager in your house is hell” fits as a glove the 99% of the families with children.
Mothers , particularly, can’t stop wondering when did the sweet baby they brought into the world became a raging young person, always snapping or crying, always angry and misunderstood.
For some parents this period is gentler than for others but we all sooner or later come in contact with the fever of the first teenage love and the contact is pretty ruff.
We are taught by our own experience that this love comes with tears and suffering, with the sweet temptation of starting a sex life sooner than it is really the case and more than everything else, leaves deep marks in our children’s psychology.
It is pointless to explain to a teenager that he or she is not the first person in the world going through this.
We, mothers, believe that telling our daughters to be good and sharing with them the story of our experience will help us get through the wall of silence and anger we are met with when asking questions about their lives.
The fathers usually believe that talking with their sons will fix the issue of dealing with their newly discovered sexuality.
Unfortunately that is not a common thing to fix. Fathers give examples and forget to monitor the changes and that leads the teenager to the conclusion that he has understood and received the permission.
Usually in the absence of the statement that something is wrong our children assume that it’s right.
Contrary to the impression that boys and girls see different the teenage love, this emotional step is far more damaging than we can imagine.
With their body changing and their young hearts tormented by the way they feel our children need understanding and guidance.
As wrong as it may seem seeing our daughter dating a guy we don’t approve of, forbidding the act is making her want to do so it even more.
The same case applies to anything we want to push our teenager’s choices into, whether the item in question is food, clothing or music.
Their rebel attitude has to do with the hormones but even more with their growing personality.
In school our kids start having problems because of their behavior. A negative reaction from their parents, an angry manifestation, screaming and shouting can only damage the kid’s behavior further.
Maybe, you think I am talking nonsense, but the way we treat their conflicts assures the response we will get. Children need to be understood, to depend on somebody for advice, to find a person they can rely on in their hour of teenage despair.
We need to be that person because otherwise they will search help elsewhere.
Teenagers respond to common sense, to an open mind, to honest discussion and more than everything to parenting advice. In the end they are not aliens …they are just kids.
The second we become their confident for their love life, we are no longer the enemy.
